A friend of mine asked me today morning, "Do these things happen in present times also?" Having lived so far in a well-cultured and open-minded family in a metropolitan, isolated background, he had no idea about what happens in a house the very next street to his. And having studied and then worked out of his home for the last 10 years, he is totally unaware of things like groom-selling and Domestic Oppression. I had to give him a couple of examples to make him believe the subtle ways in which these things happen - in the name of "Gifts" or "Maa baap ke armaan" and how dowry is related to domestic-oppression. After listening in brief about these things, he immediately got ready to spread the awareness about these things in his hometown. And there grew my conviction towards this cause a bit more - if a 2 minute talk about these things can make anyone feel the pain of a woman, what pain would she be made to go through for the whole of her life.. day by day, month by month, year by year.. just to prove herself to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good daughter-in-law and above all, a good Bharatiya Naari!!
While the demand for dowry in uneducated families in rural areas seems to be totally baseless, and totally inspired by greed for earning some quick bucks without any hardwork, there is an interesting explanation that educated families in urban areas give for demanding dowry. "Apne bacche ko padha likhaakar badha kiya hai, accha kamaata hai, acchi naukri kar raha hai.. uski padhai ka kharcha to nikaalna hoga". Before hearing this explanation, I always thought and was taught in school and in the religious sermons in childhood that whatever parents do for their children is totally selfless. But here, the parents are reclaiming all that they have spent on their son so far! And what about the amount spent by the girl's parents on her upbringing who is not even going to live with them anymore!
And now that they have reclaimed the money spent on their son's education, care, growing him up, and his safety and security so far, and now that they have quoted an amount that they think is equivalent to all those direct and indirect expenses, they should ideally stop calling him son - for the son has been sold now and the parents should start calling themselves to be just the ex-caretakers of that guy! And the daughter-in-law to be the new caretaker to whom the son has been sold. And post this business-deal, the old caretakers should stop interfering in the matters related to the new caretaker and the guy! But this does not happen. Moreover, the interference increases, and the things like domestic oppression, and regular harassment of the bride keeps pinching her for the rest of her life. And if she is somehow able to take her husband away from his parents for a happy life for herself, she is termed as "ghar ko todne wali"...
What sort of unethical deal is this !!
8 comments:
hey dude.... u have picked up a much ignored topic... i feel tht if girl's parent are giving dowry then it shud be legally they r buying boy for their daughter... n so they shud have the command over d boy... but those hypocrites who claim to be high profile n sophisticated ppl... lack common sense n ethics...
what aches my heart most is that same woman after seeing all this and suffering all of it for generations has taken the role of the tormentor for her daughter-in-law. if only one generation decides to not seek revenge of the atrocities done to her this problem would be half solved!
@ AMD: Thanks for the comments :)
@ Wolverine: Yep.. good point.. I think I'll write a post on this topic too in the upcoming posts..
Is there a need for the girls parents or for that matter the girl in question to marry the guy asking for dowry?
Nope! - Hope you all agree.
If She/ Her Parents still go on with that then please don't crib and cry about it in these blogs.
For heavens sake guys these days Girls coming with or without dowry don't compromise/ Adjust - Sorry, but I am using these words because the girl leaves her home and comes into a different house, family altogether and it is not the guy.
Ofcouse, if She is a girl from a well-educated family, and is herself very highly educated. She is a gazzetted officer - a lecturer in a university, a Software Engineer, Doctor. Then why on earth give Dowry girls. Look for grooms who consider this a taboo.
But please don't crib! that's all I am saying. :-)
@ Amit: I totally agree with you. In fact this was the point mentioned in my previous posts.. If at all the boy's parents are asking for dowry, the probability of the domestic violence increases after the marriage because of significant reduction in self-respect of the girl's family post-negotiations, and hence, girls should understand this fact and refuse from marrying in that family. Ironically, still there is a lot of awareness that needs to be spread in towns and villages which constitute around 60% of the Indian population. Even today there are parents in front of whom the girls have no choice but to marry the person whom her parents want - even by paying dowry! But she should understand her right to reject that offer.
As far as publicizing this matter through the blog is concerned, we need to spread awareness, and soon we are going to launch this campaign at a grassroot level - planning underway. Hope you are with us :)
@Amit .. you must have read the blog on 21st century sophisticated dowry. The point is that these days nobody asks for it directly. The parents pose to be very ethical and moral. Once they know that the girl and family suits them. They finalize the proposal and the dates etc. when the world knows that X girl is going to marry Y boy .. the demon in the parents wakes up and then they start showing colors... some put pressure by means of long list of lavish rituals... some ask about budget and the arrangements and some don't ask for anything but they build the pressure but hinting indirectly at the money or gold spent in their own daughter's wedding.. making the other person feel inferior and inconfident...
Now the poor girl's parents are so late in the whole process that they cant step back nor can they protest .. some brave hearts who protest or refuse the marriage .. are categorized as trouble makers and then they face difficulties in marrying their daughters..
This is why we crib !!!!
Wolverine makes sense ... Saurabh why dont you post sthg on that topic
@Neha ..... Why is it necessary to Marry a boy selected by Your ( Girls ) Parents only .
Why cant girls choose their mate on their own .
Read this post .....
http://want2change.wordpress.com/2009/08/07/swayamvar-girl-chooses-her-hubby/
Thanks
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